Consistent inputs are truly the key to success. With them, momentum builds and life changing outcomes start to occur.

The goal is to get 1% better each day or 1/10th of 1% or whatever incremental improvement makes sense for you. This is how the process works and as much as we might want to skip a step this cannot be done.

The reality is that you have to lose the first pound if you want to lose 50 pounds, and you have to first get second faster if you want to get one minute faster in a mile run. Each step in the process is important as you move towards your goal.

So do what needs to be done to improve each and every day, and then over time you can enjoy the fruits of your labor. The key word here is consistent, which I think may be just the word that separates the pros from the amateurs.

Even when you don’t want to do it, you get it done and postpone rewards until later. The plan will work if you work it.

Sometimes we all need to evaluate what we’ve been doing to determine we need to do to get better. This involves viewing your current lifestyle choices from an objective standpoint and asking yourself the questions of did they produce the desired results or not?

If the answer is no, it’s really important to not beat yourself up about this. The reality is that most plans do not typically work the first time around, but they do always provide information or feedback to guide future plans.

If you can detach from having to achieve a specific outcome or meeting some predetermined standard, and then evaluate your progress in the way in which you would a friend, you are much more likely to make adjustments that will help you in the long run.
Yes having a good plan is important, but so is the ability to modify it when needed.

By being objective in evaluating your results, rather than letting your ego affect your evaluation, you can make modifications that can help move you towards your goals.

*Transcript from the attached video

These are three things that I inventory every day, mentally or in my notebook or on my phone. But they have to be done at least mentally. when I go to bed, did I learn something today? Almost every day I learned something. Nine out of 10 days or more.

Did I earn?
And that’s a broad statement. And I bringing in the cashflow that I need to make sure that I’m saving, that I’m not in debt, that I’m, feeding my family well, that I’m able to provide the things that they, need and would like. But also, did I earn my way in my household? Did I earn Respect of my family, my wife my daughter. Did I earn my right to be here?

And then lastly, returning.
Sometimes that might be writing a check or a making a small charitable contribution. But that’s not the only way to return. In fact, it’s probably the least important way to return. The most important way that you can return is to look at it as. I’m not returning a favor to you because you’ve done something nice for me, I’m not paying it forward. anticipating that something nice is going to come for me later on. I’m returning all of the blessings that I’ve had, all of the lessons that I’ve learned, all of the good things uh, good fortune, and I’m putting that back out into the universe through whatever medium that may be, whether that be through Exclusivia and sharing insights or in sharing little life hacks or things that I’ve learned that week, it might be through helping a, neighbor.
My hopes are that if I’m doing good things for people, that there are other people out there doing the same, expecting nothing in return, if everyone would just operate that way, we’d be in such a great place. It really would be.

*Transcript from the Video

I like to encourage the young men that I work with to have a plan a life’s plan. I believe that if you have a goal, you’ll get there quicker. And I think most people will agree with me, and we all know that if you write your goal down on paper, you’re exponentially more likely to achieve it than not.

And so I’ve thought about this. Just about everything you buy today has an operating system and it has an operating manual. You buy a washer and dryer, it comes with a manual troubleshooting guide, et cetera. You buy a, new set of speakers that they come with an operating manual. Life doesn’t come with one. And I think that’s really interesting. I think that the operating manual is, Really something that is inherently taught through your family, through your community, through your relationships. And in that operating manual, there are a lot of wrong answers. There is a lot of bad advice.

The intention is often good, but not everyone has it all figured out. I think that’s important to know. Nobody is perfect the advice that we give is done with the best intention. But it’s not always the right answer and it certainly is not always executed upon. But the mentor-mentee relationship is one again, of judgment but yet uplifting advice, encouragement, and sharing of best practices. And so I always encourage the young men that I’m working with to have some type of a plan.

You get in the car and you start driving, you’re gonna end up at a beach most likely, I’m assuming. No flat tires, breakdowns, et cetera. No detours. But which beach are you going to? We have a beach called Corpus Christi. Well, it’s not the finest of sand, and the water’s not clear and blue and magical.
But if you were to travel a little bit further onto, let’s say, Destin, Florida, it’s like a paradise, right? And so if you want to go to the beach figure out how many hours it’s gonna take you to get there. If your vehicle’s ready to go how much gas it’s gonna take, you have to stay overnight and just plan that out.

If you wanna show up at the beach and you wanna show up at the right beach, have the best experience, you have to lay it out and life’s a lot that same way.
And it’s okay to get.In the car and realize you want to take a, detour and go over to, new Orleans on your way, or that you decided the weather didn’t hold out. So you’re gonna end up going to a museum or a concert or maybe in a different location. But just have a plan.

I’ve been incredibly fortunate to have the opportunity to travel all over the world. I recognize how lucky I am to be able to have done this, but it has greatly deepened my appreciation for humanity and taught me more about life than almost anything else.
New cultures, new customs, food, clothing…ect. All of it has opened my eyes to the ways people are different and perhaps more importantly how we are all are the same in many of the aspects that matter the most.
When I’m mentoring young people, I always try to encourage them to travel if they have the opportunity.

Why does this matter? Especially with our long to-do lists and the constant feeling that we’re each so busy…

The hard-wired brain mistakes “being busy”–the feeling of non-stop effort–with making more progress on priorities. Unfortunately, that “progress” can be mostly an illusion. It”s easy to get lost in this cerebral and sensory swamp of automatic and mostly mindless “doing.”

Let’s interrupt this pattern. Glance at today’s schedule. Commit to completing one specific task or meeting today five minutes earlier than planned–and devote this time to creatively streamlining and the remainder of today and tomorrow so that you can make greater measured progress on your top priorities… Note: Devote the final minute of these five minutes to reviewing and re-committing to your “To Don’t List”–which can matter even more than your To-Do List.

I think we could build a case that the biggest difference between the most successful highest performers in the world and everyone else, is that they have learned to individualize the changes they make and the improvements that they set in motion.

They are also different in the way they learn and how they instinctively want to apply the learning. That’s a huge difference between the best performers and all the rest. They link learning and initiative. The rest of the world seems engulfed in information.

The illusion we have is that information is knowledge and that is growth. It’s neither knowledge nor growth. As we’re learning things, we have to make these things our own. In what ways might they improve our life? our difference making? How could they uplift the people around us in the bigger world? We have to be testing that. We’re pilot testers and almost all human beings miss that.

We are each a one of a kind human being. There’s never been another you, and there never will be again. That neuro individuality or bio individuality needs to be honored. So just because something worked for someone else, doesn’t mean it will work for you.

There’s a lot of noise and information about one size fits all programs and strategies. An example of this might be diets or fitness programs as well as countless others. Do this, do that, and it worked for this person therefore it must work for all…. It might have worked for someone else as an individual, but programs are often promoted as if they will work for all of us the same way, and it doesn’t.So it increases the frustration.

We have all kinds of slippage and failures along the way. But if only we pause to adjust these ideas and strategies to our unique goals, our unique temperament, drive, purpose, missions and life priorities; then we might make it fit to us. Adjust it. Test it. Sense, “Is this better for me?”

All the the highest performers and teams across all kinds of industries and professions, do this testing and tailoring of everything. In moments, they just become more curious, how might this work for me? Where might I be able to test it first? How would I know if it’s working or not?

I had a conversation this week about someone I care about, but who was behaving in a way that was frustrating and a little disappointing.

“They are who, who they are. You can’t change them, so you have to accept them as they are,” was the advice that was given. To me this seemed like a dangerous mindset and something worth digging deeper into.

Most of the psychology and neuroscience that I’ve learned is from Exclusivia contributing experts Dr. Bill, Dr. Gino Collura, and Dr Robert Cooper. It has helped me rationalize this mindset and think about how we can approach change and growth.

The first point, is in dealing with ourselves. Most of our identity and behavior tends to result from the stories we tell ourselves about who we are. Some of these stories are imprinted in us as children at a very young age, but often we keep repeating these stories throughout our entire lives without much thought or self examination. “I am smart. I am dumb. I am headstrong. I am not good with people. I am a good friend. I am ___________.” Unfortunately when we tell ourselves these stories, they often become self fulfilling prophecies that unfold almost subconsciously. Whether the stories are entirely true or not.

This mindset also abdicates the responsibility for growth, self-reflection, and personal change.
” I am Who I am. I will always be this way. Everyone around me had better accept it or it’s their problem. ”

Again a very dangerous, but easy mindset to have. I’ve heard Dr Cooper speak many times on how the brain is hardwired to fight change. Change is hard work. The brain really doesn’t want to do hard work on it’s own. It wants to conserve energy so we can survive. Without careful examination, this leaves us stuck in pattern of repeating our same habits, same behaviors, even thinking the same things. Surviving perhaps, but definitely not thriving or growing into our own best lives.

The 2nd major point I wanted to address is change in others. I’m not referencing manipulation or Pavlovian behavior change techniques, but addressing behaviors that bother you in a caring, empathetic, and loving way. I believe it is ok to say to those that we love, “I love you, but when you do this behavior it hurts/bothers me.”

Addressing these issues, this is not a personal attack on their character, but an acknowledgment that the relationship is important you. They are important to you and you want to be closer to them. It’s not easy and requires us to be thoughtful. Yet, if the relationship is important to both people, hopefully meaningful change can be made.

If we think about the people we are closest to: our spouses, our children, our parents, our siblings, and our friends. Those relationships are important, therefore we have a self-responsibility to be willing to examine our own mental models and behavior changes regularly, and asking others to do the same. I can’t help but wonder how many marriages would be saved or improved, how many parents would be closer to their adult children, and how many sibling relationships would be greatly improved is we could all pause and do the hard work necessary instead of just saying, “I am who I am.”

The very first sentence of Rick Warren’s book, The Purpose Driven Life is “It’s Not About You.” If you read this line and nothing else, that would be enough to change your life. Since reading that, it’s been a resounding theme throughout my life.

Everyone should re-read that line and remind themselves of this every day. So many people feel lost. Many of them young men chasing their careers and money. If we think about others, help others, and put the needs of others first we will have a life full of purpose and full of meaning.

At the end of each month, I spend time grading myself on 5 key pillars of my life. Faith, Family, Fitness, Finances, and Fun. I call them my 5 F’s. A long time ago I identified these 5 F’s as the most important things to my own best life.

1. Faith- Am I putting God first as a priority? Am I making the time to practice my spirituality daily.

2. Family- I talk to each of my adult children every day. I cherish those relationships and need to make sure that I continue put the time and energy into the people I care about.

3. Fitness- I work out everyday and have for almost my entire life. First of all, I enjoy it. Also staying fit, gives me the energy and health to continue to support the rest of my life.

4. Finances- Controlling my finances gives me the capability to help others. I don’t feel the need to acquire wealth, money is just a tool that enables me to do so, and therefore I must be mindful of it.

5. Fun-Life should be enjoyed. Laugh. Eat with friends. Go on adventures. Travel. Fun needs to be a part of our daily lives.

Grading myself each month on these 5 pillars gives me a sense of accountability and balance. If I look on the month and come to the realization that I am neglecting one of my core pillars, I know that I’m not living my life that way I want and I need to strive to do better. This requires me to be honest with myself, which is not always easy for a person to do. But if I’m serious about continuing to be better, it’s an essential part of my journey.