“The Disease of Me” is a term I first heard basketball player, coach, owner, and general manager, Pat Riley use.

Just like basketball, Life is a team sport. Families, work teams, friendships, and society are all made up of a collective group of individuals that function and work together. In a perfect world, everyone contributes and as the team does better, the individual does better as well.

“The Disease of Me” describes when a person becomes focused on their own success or difficulties. Their wants and their needs take precedent over the rest of their team. Selfishness, bad body language, assessing blame, making excuses, and overall negativity are symptoms generally associated with “the disease of me”.

Coach Tom Desotell used to say that in every environment there are “Energy givers or energy takers. Lifters or leaners.” Energy givers leave everyone around them better. They bring authentic excitement and care to their team. They lift up those around them and help make others the best versions of themselves. This is who we need to strive to be and who we want to surround ourselves with.

Energy takers are the complainers and negative nellies of the world. Their attitude sucks the excitement and enthusiasm out, like an energy vampire. We all know people like this. It can be exhausting to be around them.

The very best leaders that I’ve observed spend a lot of time with their teams and their families talking about these sort of concepts. Avoiding “The Disease of Me”, being an energy giver not an energy taker, focusing on great communication and body language, as well as creating an environment where we lift each other up. It would be a wise practice to ask ourselves these questions regularly:
1. Am I being a lifter or a leaner?
2. Am I being an energy giver or taker?
3. Am I avoiding the Disease of Me or have I become too focused on my own wants and needs?

No matter how brilliant or talented someone may be, if they are suffering from the “Disease of Me” they need to be cured or removed because they will hurt your team.

*This article was written by Brad Binversie from the Exclusivia team, using the insights and teachings of Thomas Desotell.

“Not seeing Your Eyes Doesn’t Whisper, It Shouts”-Thomas Desotell
How often do we discuss body language with team members at work or family members? Probably very little is my guess, but the best leaders make this a priority.

In my brief time with Coach Tom Desotell, I learned more about the importance of body language than anywhere else. One of his points of focus was the eyes of the people.
Coach would always say that a person needs to listen with “Hungry Eyes.” Listening and communication are active processes. Both the speaker and the listener must be active participants. “Hungry eyes” means that the listener is actively giving eye contact and responding to the conversation with their eyes and body language.

“Listen with your eyes.”

In a world of increasing distraction and noise, this is something that needs to be spoken about more often. In the professional world, work from home and remote teamwork is increasingly more common. Do we discuss the importance of all team members are practicing good body language and listening with their eyes on zoom calls? Or do we skirt around the issue and allow people to dial in passively?

I’ve given training and mentoring sessions where the participants did not even turn on their camera. Reflecting back, I have no idea if the content they received was valuable, if they were buying in, or if their attention was focused elsewhere. This is not something I will not let happen anymore.

“You either coach it, or you allow it to happen.”
Body language and actively listening are crucial to building trust and effective communication. In the busyness and blur of today’s world making this a priority might feel “unimportant” or like a small detail, but I believe it’s never been more important to a business, family, or any group that needs to work together in a meaningful way.

*This wisdom was written by Brad Binversie from the Exclusivia Team in coordination with the teachings of Coach Thomas Desotell.

Practice does not make perfect, practice makes PERMANENT. “In a crisis, we all revert back to our dominants habits.”

Neuroscientist Dr. Robert Cooper always that neurons that fire together, wire together. Practice and repetition build our hard-wired habits. Whenever we are in situations of stress, anxiety, or high pressure our subconscious will take over and our dominant habits will emerge.

This highlights the importance of ensuring that whatever daily habits we are practicing, need to be the right ones. If not, when those difficult times emerge, we will be powerless against our own bad habits. Effectively sabotaging something of importance to us.

Behavior and skills are not something that we can turn on and off as humans, particularly when challenges emerge. They require intentional observation and adjustments that are perfectly practiced daily.

Just because we are “working hard” and putting in time to practice does not mean that we are reinforcing the right habits. A good example is an athlete such as a tennis player. The player can hit shots all day, every day but if they are sloppy and practice with poor technique, this will not make them the best player they can be. During difficult and high-stress matches, they will revert to those bad habits that they’ve developed during their training.

Imperfect practice can result in a lot of “activity without achievement.” Feeling busy, without accomplishing anything meaningful or purposeful. In basketball practices, Coach Tom Desotell used to tell his players, “Do you want to base your game on hope or on habit?” This lesson is applicable to everyone as we live our lives. “Do you want to base building your best life on hope or on habit?”

Practice Does Not Make Perfect. Practice Makes Permanent. Perfect Practice Makes Perfect.

*This article was written by the Exclusivia team, using the insights and teachings of Coach Thomas Desotell.

“I am not what I ought to be,
Not what I want to be,
Not what I am going to be,
But I am Thankful that I am better than I used to be.”

I first read these lines in the book Wooden: A Lifetime of Observations and Reflection On and Off the Court. The more I’ve learned about Coach Wooden, the more I admire him. Among his many teachings, the core central theme that I always take away is that the focus needs to be on doing your best and committing to becoming the best version of yourself that you can be.

“Make each day your masterpiece.”

“Don’t worry about being better than somebody else, but never cease trying to be the best you can be. You have control over that, not the other.”

“Success is the peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to become the best you are capable of becoming.”

Nowhere in his teachings does he ever equate success with the results that follow. Winning championships, making money, becoming powerful or famous are not the definition of success. It’s nice to be rewarded for efforts, but these were just by-products doing your very best.
How many people in life feel like they are on treadmill chasing these things? “If I make more money, get a bigger house, close this next business deal, become powerful, ect….. then I will be successful (or happy).”

Coach Wooden’s teachings tell us to focus on the process of doing our very best to be better each day. There is no perfect destination or version of ourselves. Doing our very best, is success.

“I am not who I ought to be”- I know I should be better
“Not who I want to be”- I want to be better
“Not what I am going to be”- I am going to be better
“But I am Thankful that I am better than I used to be.”

*This piece was written by the Exclusivia team, in coordination with the guidance of Coach Thomas Desotell who was a longtime friend of Coach Wooden’s.

When you first declutter your life, there’s still stuff coming at you. You may go into your day all excited with good intentions and the right mentality but then we collide. The spirit collides with real life and it’s like we get hijacked along the way. We may take a downturn that kind of takes the wind out of our sails. Now we’re down a peg. And then we collide with something else and we go down another peg, then again, and again… and pretty soon you can’t wait for a happy hour.
But if we go about this a little bit differently we may be able to avoid this. What I do is use 3 cards that each have a different word on them: Anticipation, Adaptation, and Reflection.
I need a better way to anticipate my day. I can imagine those things that I’m going to collide with that are going to take the wind out of my sails. Then if I can, I will arrange things a little bit differently to be prepared or avoid those items. There are some things I have the power to arrange.
However, I don’t have the power to change and control everything, but I do have the power to shape. And with that little power to shape, things can start changing. When I do collide with something. I need to adapt. I can turn toward what matters most, or I can turn away and have the wind taken out of my sails.
The other card is reflection. You know, how are things going? Even something as simple as. if you experience something, did I like it? What didn’t I like? And then you can go, okay, going forward. I want more of the stuff that I liked and less of the stuff I didn’t.
I use these cards to help with my own breathing space and mentality instead of getting the wind knocked out of me and having it be another average, boring date where we get to the end of, gasping for breath, wondering what happened.

What is breathing space? I always ask people, when’s the last time that you created more of it? And with more of it, what difference would it make in your life and work.

Imagine the things that are weighing on you or wasting your time, energy, and heart, and if we could get rid of 25% or 50% of those things. Now could we do with that space that we have that we didn’t have before. How that might feel?

So start by stepping back to get some space from the things that are railroading us. De-clutter some of the things that are wasting our time, energy, and heart.

I often say we need a heart monitor because our heart can intuitively feel what is right. I call it the breathing space meter. Imagine the meter goes from 1-10 and if you hold this up, when it feels really good, it’s a 10, right?

Ask yourself what would a 10 feel like? 9? 8? 7? Ect?

If you take the time to register these measurements, you can hold this up to everything in your life and give it a score. If it’s a 10, nine or eight, that’s good. If it’s something less than a 8, maybe we should delete it. Or if we have to keep it, then it’s something that we need to figure out how to disentangle.
But there’s a lot of stuff you could just get rid of.

Unfortunately it’s the stuff in the middle that people accumulate. The 1’s and 2’s are easy to recognize because we often hate them or they are painful. But it’s 3-7’s that will add more to your life that don’t matter and take time and energy from the 8, 9, and 10’s.

Imagine if you were playing a card game but you don’t pick up every card. Instead you just pick up the cards that are going to make your hand better. But in life, we don’t do that. We accumulate crap, you know, we accumulate a noise and garbage and load. And we spend all day with the, energy that we have just taking care of all the stuff and a lot of it doesn’t matter.

Shed the load that doesn’t matter and keep the stuff that matters by giving it your energy and time.

We can have an easy life or a meaningful life, but probably not both.

If we reflect on the accomplishments that we are most proud of, they are usually something that required us to struggle, preserve, dedicate ourselves, and only then perhaps reach our goal. This struggle and dedication is a large part of what gives our lives purpose. If we made a hole in one every time we played golf, it would not be enjoyable. It’s the challenge that golf give us that makes us feel special (and often frustrated). It is as if we’re striving for some form of perfection that is unattainable. This is why people dedicate themselves to something that is larger themselves. Here are a few of countless examples:

• Being a parent is not easy, but it’s one of the most meaningful experiences a person will ever have.
• Building a happy, lasting marriage is a lot of hard work, but deeply rewarding.
• Building a business requires a lot of sacrifice and perseverance….
• Developing skills, abilities, or knowledge all require a lot of time and energy…
• Try living out all the teaching of your faith. As a human you will sin and you will fall short. But it’s still worth pursuing….

The dreams of never having stress, never struggling, never worrying about finances, and living in a paradise without any challenges would be a very boring existence and I would imagine not a very happy life. So we shouldn’t wish for an easy life, because it means it likely won’t be meaningful.
I think it is healthy to acknowledge that in order to have a meaningful life we will struggle and encounter difficulties. So pursue a life that is deeply and increasingly meaningful to you, but understand it won’t always be easy.

I am 77 years old and I have always been physically active. I box and lift weights 3 times a week. I go on walks with friends. I also make sure that I eat well. I enjoy taking care of myself, but more importantly, I enjoy what being fit gives me the freedom to do.

At my age, many of my friends who are close in age are starting to experience some health issues. Back pain, hip pain, cancers, heart issues, dementia, and even death. I want to acknowledge that I feel blessed and lucky that I haven’t had many of these issues, but I strongly believe a big part reason is, how diligently I have worked to stay fit.

When you invest money, you make deposits so that the money can grow and compound. It’s the same thing with your health and fitness. Each time I exercise and choose to eat healthy, I am making a deposit in my current and future “health account”. Over time, all those individual choices (deposits) will hopefully compound into a life of better health.

Life is busy and if you do not prioritize your physical activity, it will fall behind other things. So, I make sure to protect the time I need for my workouts. Some people might think this sounds selfish, but it goes on the calendar and I make sure to keep that time for the exercise.

I create a structure in my life that encourages accountability and makes the workouts more enjoyable. I work out with a trainer. He pushes me and keeps me accountable. Prior to having a trainer, I would still exercise but I would maybe do half of the work I do with him. If I felt tired or bored, instead of doing 50 reps, maybe I would only do 20.

I also have young friends that I walk with regularly. Without them, I most likely would not do it as often as I should. Also spending time with these young men, keeps me mentally sharp and curious.

Most people think that as you get older, you should slow down. Since 50, I have ramped up my workouts. I know that as we age, it’s harder to maintain muscle mass and stay fit. So I know that I just have to work that much harder.

I genuinely believe that has been a secret to my life and I cannot stress the importance of this enough to young people. If you want to stay active and healthy so you can enjoy your older years, regularly make “deposits” into your health.

Consistent inputs are truly the key to success. With them, momentum builds and life changing outcomes start to occur.

The goal is to get 1% better each day or 1/10th of 1% or whatever incremental improvement makes sense for you. This is how the process works and as much as we might want to skip a step this cannot be done.

The reality is that you have to lose the first pound if you want to lose 50 pounds, and you have to first get second faster if you want to get one minute faster in a mile run. Each step in the process is important as you move towards your goal.

So do what needs to be done to improve each and every day, and then over time you can enjoy the fruits of your labor. The key word here is consistent, which I think may be just the word that separates the pros from the amateurs.

Even when you don’t want to do it, you get it done and postpone rewards until later. The plan will work if you work it.

Why does this matter? Especially with our long to-do lists and the constant feeling that we’re each so busy…

The hard-wired brain mistakes “being busy”–the feeling of non-stop effort–with making more progress on priorities. Unfortunately, that “progress” can be mostly an illusion. It”s easy to get lost in this cerebral and sensory swamp of automatic and mostly mindless “doing.”

Let’s interrupt this pattern. Glance at today’s schedule. Commit to completing one specific task or meeting today five minutes earlier than planned–and devote this time to creatively streamlining and the remainder of today and tomorrow so that you can make greater measured progress on your top priorities… Note: Devote the final minute of these five minutes to reviewing and re-committing to your “To Don’t List”–which can matter even more than your To-Do List.