I have a suspicion that we came to this life with more than we realize. Your DNA knew exactly how to form your body, your organs, and brain tissue. All without your help. What keeps us so susceptible to holding onto the concept that we didn’t also arrive with an ideal strategy, cognitive game plan and soulfully imprinted tactics for living an amazing life?

The goal then should be to come into contact with this insightful metaphysical content. How do we do that? I feel that’s in large part what Zen meditation and the yogis of old have been trying to explain to us. If we continue to live a life disconnected to the internet, how do we expect to pull down data and have it available?

Anything that clouds our ability to think clearly disconnects us from this information. We can easily call this “Source” information as it comes from something other than your current physical manifestation. You may feel more or less comfort imagining this as God, the creator. There has been mention of this Source for thousands of years in various religious works and I think it works perfectly when talking about accessing your higher levels of thought and knowledge.

Keep the channels clear of static. Free from useless noise. Avoid nonsensical patterns that don’t suit the highest “you”. Eat foods that allow you to feel energetic and keep your cells healthy. Every cell is a sentient entity that constantly responds to it’s environment. Honor that cell by building in the most ideal garden of Eden with clean rivers and beautiful valleys that provide nourishment and enrich that little being.

Probably the single most important ingredient to remembering who you fully are requires an open and observant heart. One that practices loving unconditionally, wants not, drives intention, and acts as a guide in the dark by lighting the path of your true plan. When this is in place, your reactions become less about satisfying you and more about the greater good of those around you. I’m not suggesting you become a victim and solely rule with your heart; that’s a path to imbalance and heartache along with abuse and trauma. I am suggesting that with respect to your needs and healthy balance goals, to use your heart as a means of interaction and always let the logical heart lead the way.

Practicing the art of remembering requires a quiet mind so that you can hear the subtle whispers in the wind. It requires a nonjudgemental perspective deriving from self love as well as love for others and all things. Find the right station and you’ll hear the song you’re looking for.

Business leadership recapitulates the structure and function of early family life, where power is held in the hands of the adults. Because of this, it recreates an “at-home feeling” in those who feel disempowered and at the same time offers them a context that makes change possible. Business leaders who are committed to developing the highest and best potentials in their workers enjoy optimal performance and commitment in return. They can influence the “at home feeling” from disempowered to committed.

What better gift could the business world offer society than to be the vehicle for creating a context that once again enlivens us to create? This is a “win, win, win” situation—how could it remain invisible for so long and be actively avoided in so many subtle and not-so-subtle ways? One can only conclude that the freedom to create stimulates the fear of the unknown and taps into a part of us that would rather settle for the known than stimulate the terror created by the part of our brain that interprets ambiguity as danger.

People are more likely to fully invest in what they themselves create. This is because our early experiences result in mental models which organize reality in a particular way. It is possible to value something created by someone else and commit to learning and supporting it. We can even master structures created by others but skin in the creation game is what engages us at the level of mastery, energy and engagement. What we create, we know and what we know influences our ability to create. That is the basis of commitment. There is a parallel process in relationships. Simply put, commitment to a relationship or organization is a function of the possibility of growth. Full engagement is reciprocal.

A limiting factor experienced by business is that only a small number of business leaders make the decision to “know themselves as they truly are.” Most of these leaders may have institutional power, but they cannot accomplish what they cannot “see.” They cannot offer others what they do not give themselves, nor can they create a culture that can know and liberate their own creative energy, especially if their relationship with themselves limits their capacity for empathy.

Without a “sea change” in themselves, what motivated their past achievements will determine the extent of their future accomplishments. This sea change is, and has always been, the sine qua non. We need a clearer picture of who we really are before we can reach our greater potential.

Here are a few leadership outcomes that may indicate that your level of self-knowledge is growing:
a. You notice people are seeking you out more and wanting your guidance.

b. You see other people as separate objects, not as narcissistic extensions of yourself.

c. You can offer others who seek your wisdom clarity without depleting your own energy.

d. Assuming you get adequate sleep, you can “be on your game” (i.e., maintain your “flow”) for lengthy periods of time and remain energized and rested throughout the process.

e. You notice that you have replaced “frantic energy” with calm energy and are more effective and efficient than you have ever been in the past.

f. Your emotional sense of well-being leans toward “mildly positive” throughout the day, and your hard-wired brain circuitry no longer has undue influence on your thinking.

As I continue to read countless business and leadership books, I am struck by a couple of limiting beliefs that I believe to that remain unchallenged:

a. It is possible and even important to change people who work in organizations without changing their leaders.

b. Information and training alone will change mental models.

c. Once people know what is needed, they will do it.

d. If you treat people with kindness, love, and respect (as defined by the leader), their lives at work and home will automatically improve and you will have given them and the world something of immense value.

While these tactics might work for a subset of people in organizations, their strategic focus fails to take advantage of some of the most powerful variables in neuroscience and psychology.

Psychological literature suggests that information alone does little to create behavioral change. Yet thousands of people read books, go to workshops, and take personal development courses that offer information and exercises that stimulate us for only a moment and generate energy that often wanes quickly. But the experience and information gained cannot be put to long-term use because the receiver (in this case, the leader) is blind to themselves in ways that block or reduce any transformational value the information might otherwise offer. If the leader remains unchanged by the experience, it will have little impact on the heads and hearts of their followers. Only when leader is ready to “see” the emotional connection between their mental models and the experience of their followers (empathy) can the signal they intend to send can be received.

“Preach the gospel at all times and if necessary, use words.”
-St Francis of Assisi

I was introduced to this teaching at a friend’s funeral. What St Francis was encouraging Christians to do is to live their faith as examples. Regardless of anyone’s belief system, I found this lesson to be extremely powerful and something that anyone can adopt if they approach it from the right mindset.

As we identify our values and what is important to us, how we live our lives should reflect this. We leave an impression on everyone we interact with, so it is important that our actions and behaviors clearly reflect what we stand for and who we are without ambiguity.

When you are a shining example for everyone that meets you, you will influence people positively. People will naturally be attracted to you. They may even get inquisitive and ask you to explain why you behave the way you do. They may even try to be more like you.

However, if we find ourselves frequently having to tell others who we are, what we believe, what our values are; we’re probably not being the living examples that we could be.

The opposite of this might be “preaching” at, judging, or even condemning others while not walking the walk themselves. Everyone knows these people. It’s confusing because we don’t really know what they stand for.

Walking the walk and living out your values is not easy. It requires a lot of hard work. Have courage. Be patient and forgive yourself when you make mistakes. No one is perfect and we are all subject to bad moments. But if you can strive to live out your values clearly, you can make a profound impact on the world around you.

“Reminders are only useful if they are given before.”

This is something that basketball coach, Tom Desotell, used to say to players and it is a good lesson on leadership and communication. Very often there is a disconnect between the message that we think we are communicating and the message that is being received. Other people simply cannot read our thoughts, so clear, concise, and FREQUENT communication is necessary.

Coach also used to say, “Sometimes common sense, isn’t so common.”

This also speaks to the need to give reminders and not make assumptions. Just because something appears obvious to us, doesn’t mean it appears obvious to the next person. Over communication is way better than, not enough when it comes to teams, families, and relationships.

One word of caution is that how you frame these reminders will distinguish the effect the reminders have on people:
1. Make the communication purposeful. Having unnecessary, large group meetings will bog everyone done and waste everyone’s time. Instead speaking individually or with small groups to illicit their feedback and have a conversation will keep engagement higher.

2. Build the culture of frequent reminders. If everyone understands that this is part of the team’s culture, it’s not micromanaging, it’s being helpful. When this attitude permeates throughout the organization, everyone is responsible for giving reminders.

3. Do not make assumptions. Assuming that your family members, client, or team members always understand and will always remember everything is difficult. Everyone has a lot going on in their lives, so take the time to do quick, POSTIVE check ins and give useful reminders. Dentists and doctors usually send out reminder notes before patients come, because they understand it’s helpful.

4. Share the accountability- when someone makes a mistake because they did not understand or they did not “remember”, it is also the fault of the rest of the team. Did you clarify with them enough? Did you check in? Did you give reminders? If not, why are you surprised that the ball was dropped?
I’ve added on to Coach Desotell’s saying… “Reminders are only useful, if they’re given beforehand, otherwise it’s just complaining.” If you’re looking to do things at a high level, be pro-active about it.

*This was written by Brad Binversie with the guidance of Coach Thomas Desotell.

I spoke with a priest, Father Alex Steinmiller, recently and we talked about human behavior. Most harmful behaviors, we already know are harmful. Yet why do we do them? Lack of information?

People know they should exercise…. But they don’t, even if they want to.
People know they should eat healthy… but they don’t, even if they have good intentions.

We have unlimited information on most subjects, so it’s not that. Are we just not disciplined enough to change our own behavior? My mom always says that most “people would rather die than change”…. Even when they want to.

Father Alex told me, that if we want to change our behavior we need to analyze and eliminate the lead-up actions that trigger the undesired behavior. What situation, people, events, or patterns trigger this undesired behavior? Eliminate the lead-up actions that trigger the undesired behavior.

Analogy: If you don’t want to eat junk food, don’t have it in the house.

This makes sense, as Dr. Robert Cooper says, “Neurons that fire together, wire together.” Relying on our own discipline to change our behavior is nearly impossible if we keep following the same routines and patterns. This might mean altering where we spend time and who we spend our time with, ect. But it gives us a significantly better chance of making the behavior change we desire.

When I graduated from college, I decided to go graduate school to get my MBA. I made this decision primarily because my friends from business school were doing this, so I thought this was the path I supposed to take as well.

After getting my MBA, the expectations of “What I Was Supposed to Do” continued. Because I had an MBA, I believed I should go into fields like banking, investment services, investment banking, even accounting roles. So guess what, I did all of them. I bounced from job to job, field to field, never staying very long. I learned a lot of skills but the path I was following was very narrow. I never really considered many of my options outside of “What I was supposed to do”.

Eventually I became the CFO of a publicly traded food company before purchasing my first company at 37 years old and becoming an entrepreneur. I’ve been that ever since.
Reflecting back, I never even considered being an entrepreneur. I believe that a big part of that was the pre-conceived beliefs about what I was “supposed to do”. My MBA and my college degree were great tools, but I believed that they limited my choices. Of course, the actual degree did not do this, but I limited my own choices and my own beliefs because of these things. My mindset about what was possible and what other options might exist.

I think many people go through life this way. As they get tools or have experiences, they limited their mindset about what is possible. They start in one career path and somehow their identity is tied to it. They don’t consider anything else. “I have a MBA, therefore I must work in this field forever.”

We should work to strip away these pre-set beliefs and stay open to possibilities, instead of doing “What You’re Supposed to Do.”

“The Disease of Me” is a term I first heard basketball player, coach, owner, and general manager, Pat Riley use.

Just like basketball, Life is a team sport. Families, work teams, friendships, and society are all made up of a collective group of individuals that function and work together. In a perfect world, everyone contributes and as the team does better, the individual does better as well.

“The Disease of Me” describes when a person becomes focused on their own success or difficulties. Their wants and their needs take precedent over the rest of their team. Selfishness, bad body language, assessing blame, making excuses, and overall negativity are symptoms generally associated with “the disease of me”.

Coach Tom Desotell used to say that in every environment there are “Energy givers or energy takers. Lifters or leaners.” Energy givers leave everyone around them better. They bring authentic excitement and care to their team. They lift up those around them and help make others the best versions of themselves. This is who we need to strive to be and who we want to surround ourselves with.

Energy takers are the complainers and negative nellies of the world. Their attitude sucks the excitement and enthusiasm out, like an energy vampire. We all know people like this. It can be exhausting to be around them.

The very best leaders that I’ve observed spend a lot of time with their teams and their families talking about these sort of concepts. Avoiding “The Disease of Me”, being an energy giver not an energy taker, focusing on great communication and body language, as well as creating an environment where we lift each other up. It would be a wise practice to ask ourselves these questions regularly:
1. Am I being a lifter or a leaner?
2. Am I being an energy giver or taker?
3. Am I avoiding the Disease of Me or have I become too focused on my own wants and needs?

No matter how brilliant or talented someone may be, if they are suffering from the “Disease of Me” they need to be cured or removed because they will hurt your team.

*This article was written by Brad Binversie from the Exclusivia team, using the insights and teachings of Thomas Desotell.