Physicality plays an important role for men in producing the best versions of themselves, so they can be better husbands, fathers, and friends. If you were to look at the average level of testosterone, of men in the early 1900’s compared to now, it has dropped significantly, Why is that? Lack of activity, lack of mobility, lack of getting up, going out, and doing something.
What can we do about it?
So first and foremost, get in the gym. I don’t care what that looks like for you. Different people like to work out in different ways. It doesn’t matter, we carry so much stress nowadays and it’s not just about the aesthetic, it’s about what’s happening neuro hormonally. You need to burn those stress hormones! cortisol, epinephrine, norepinephrine.
You’ve got to give your body an opportunity to release endorphins, which helps to create homeostasis. That’s number one.
Number two is to find something where you can have camaraderie with other men. I encourage a lot of the men I speak with to do combat sports. And it doesn’t mean that you need to become a UFC fighter.
But the main point is that they are doing something that exercises all 4 areas: Physical, Mental, Emotional, and Social. You want those four things to be satisfied with whatever your chosen activity is. I wrote my PHD dissertation on PTSD and ability to process stress. The importance of having physical camaraderie to process trauma and stress is by far the greatest solution that exists.
If you ask the average man, “are you lonely?” He’s gonna say, “No, I’ve got my people at work, I’ve got my people at home.ect..”
But who do you open up your heart to and who do you pour vulnerability into? Who do you feel comfortable enough and confident enough that no matter what, they’re not gonna judge me no matter what? Those are the questions men should be asking about who fits those definitions in their lives
From a hardcore, humanistic, evolutionary perspective, we are tribal. For thousands of years, humans were hunter gathers that lived in communal areas like tepee or caves with 4-10 families. The men would go out and hunt, The women were staying back with the children, taking care of things. But men were out there doing life and death stuff.
When you look at the military community, why is it the camaraderie is so tight between combat veterans? Because of what they have been through together.
It’s no different today, but thing is that the average male in a first world, country nowadays does not have those sorts of relationships. There’s no forging of a fire that required to build those relationships of trust and deeper understanding.
So when we have “acquaintances” and “friends”. But it doesn’t mean that we would sit in a foxhole with them. It doesn’t mean that we would go to war with them. It’s a convenient relationship at the time.
It checks a box. But it doesn’t mean I have that true brotherhood, that true connection. So that’s a huge thing that’s missing nowadays, camaraderie amongst men.
Everyone knows that men are from Mars or women are from Venus. There’s a reason why that book was so popular. Today there’s a very real need for this idea of reconnection because we live in a state of connected disconnection.
We are more connected now more than ever, no time in history. But we are more lonely. We have more mental health challenges, and divorce rates are higher than ever. Including mental health issues in our youth. This manifests in bullying, what’s going on with active shooters, what’s going on with kids, self-esteem, suicide as well, and then you see the same thing with husbands and wives.
How is it that they’re gonna get through tomorrow, when just getting through today is a battle? It’s a battle for everybody, but if we can just equip ourselves with the positive side of why did I choose my partner and why did they choose me? How do I honor that? How do I nurture that? How do I give back to that to make us the best version of us? We can be so we can be the best parents that we could be because they go hand in hand.
What does honoring my wife truly mean? Well, what work have you done to master yourself, so that in the process of honoring her, you’re also not putting her down with your own insecurities?
We all have our own blind spots and our own gaps and understanding that is just as important as the words that are coming out of your mouth towards her. What are the words that you’re telling yourself every day as an affirmation to understand the quality of human being and the quality of man that you are? Because if you don’t have a sound understanding of you of who you are, you’ll not be able to be the type of partner she needs.
Do you find your identity based off of a dollar amount that you make a year? Or off of social clout?
Most men do, but this is not going to be what the people who love the most would say about you if you weren’t there. This is big a problem. Most men have this challenge because we’re always grinding and hustling. We’re doing our thing right? And we get home and we just want to chill like it’s our sanctuary and place of peace. And this idea of got to do this, got to do that, starts the compound. And when it compounds, that stress builds.
It will affect your ability to communicate effectively in a way that honors your wife.
Instead put in the effort to work on yourself. Understand who you are as a man. And think about how you’re communicating with her. If you do this hopefully it will influence how you both respond to each other.
That’s leadership in the home.